The Ruzicka's

Monday morning the 3 kids & I got ready to go to my 3 month dr appointment, I was 13 weeks 4 days. We were all excited to hear the baby's heartbeat for the 1st time. I got there on time & had all the normal appointment things done, I peed in the cup, I had my blood drawn & joked around with the lady about having another baby so soon. I sat in the waiting room until they called my name & grabbed all 3 kids & headed back to hear our baby, the nurse took down all my information & said she was going to guess I was having a girl (no idea why she thought this) but she left the room & my doctor came in & we joked about how much faster you show with each pregnancy. He gave me my vitamins to bring home & told me to hop up so we can find baby. So I layed on the table, so sure that everything was fine. He took the doppler & moved it around on my belly, he said he couldn't find it but was sure everything was fine since we had an early ultrasound & everything looked really good & it was probably just how I carried my babies. I was not too worried since the same thing had happened when I was pregnant with Peyton. It seemed like forever, but finally there was an ultrasound room open. The nurse gave the kids suckers & they sat in the chairs & Peyton sat happily on the floor playing with toys. The doctor put the gel on my belly and put the mic. thing on my belly and after a few seconds I saw a baby, but I knew something was not right, it wasn't moving, the heartbeat wasn't flickering, my uterus was much bigger than the baby. I started to panic but tried to stay calm since the kids were in there & in case I was overreacting & everything was ok. After what seemed like forever the doctor looked at my & said "I am so sorry, I do not have good news for you, this little person did not make it." I asked the nuses to take the kids in the hallway. The dr looked some more to make sure but he was right, it was gone. I sat up & started to cry & asked him why. He just looked at me sympatheticaly & said "I don't know" he put his hand on my back & said "It will be ok sweetie, you take as much time as you want in here & I will be back to talk to you soon." I sat there a few minutes & cried looking up at the tv screen in the room where my baby had been. After a few minutes he came back in & said he needed to do a D&C in the morning & asked if I was ok to drive home myself & I said yes. All the way out to the car Hannah & B asked why the dr didn't let them hear the baby. I called Justin as soon as I got home & told him & he came home as soon as he could. The rest of the day seems like a blur & I can barely remember what happened or who I talked to. I had no idea, & expected to leave that day hearing my new little baby's heartbeat. I felt fine, no cramping, no bleeding, I thought everything was fine. But, it turned out to be a nightmare.